Sometimes I feel really sorry for myself.
Last Saturday I taught a dance class. I haven’t taught in awhile and was pretty nervous. It went well, as in no one had to be taken to the hospital or demanded their money back. Both are things to be grateful for. In fact I’m told by my peers that participants actually had a blast. However I was so intently focused on the things that didn’t happen due to what I was sure was lack of skill that I began questioning my ability to continue on with the 8 week session. In other words, I was sitting in self-pity to the max. Me in my head: “Goodbye dance world! I am clearly not equipped to handle even the smallest of responsibilities and I may as well save you all the pain of knowing me!” Have I mentioned I can be a drama queen? I did manage, before my head hit the pillow that night, to recharged myself with a bit of positive energy, reminding my sad self that perfection is not the goal but rather growth. And what a fantastic opportunity for growth I have in front of me!
A few days later I was inspired further by a wise woman I am honoured to know. She told me that she had gone to a dance class on the very same day I taught mine. It was also the first class of a session that she had committed to and the first time she had participated in a dance class in years. She was nervous, but determined. I related. She drew me in as she told me about how she struggled with her own insecurities and negative self talk. I realized that here in front of me was someone going through the same things I was. She went on to say that although the class had brought up some old baggage she hadn’t expected to arise, she was going to return next week. I realized that here in front of me was courage.
I had expected my very first time teaching this particular class to be perfection. This is unreasonable and slightly deluded. It even exhibits, dare I say it, pride gone slightly askew. I so easily forget as an emerging dance artist that there is always room to grow, that I am not perfect nor will I ever be and that struggle is universal. I cannot allow my expectations to get in the way of what is truly important. In this case what is important is sharing what knowledge I do have with grace, fulfilling my commitments to others and myself, and maybe even having some fun. I intend to do all three.
If you would like to join me next Saturday in finding your party dance groove, I would love to have you. I need plenty of teachers.
CoCo & Rico Contributor, Kara Nolte